As part of our natural need to form intimate relationships, eroticism is a common topic we think about.
Many people keep their erotic fantasies to themselves out of fear of being misunderstood, looked down upon, or facing other negative reactions from those around them. However, they are a completely natural phenomenon— Anyone who says they don't have any is lying.
And if our daydreaming starts to take on a life of its own—going beyond our understanding of what’s normal and what isn’t—we may feel like complete deviants.
However, we want to assure you that there is nothing wrong with sexual fantasies—not even the most perverse ones. They are a natural part of our lives.
Just because we have them doesn't necessarily mean we want to act on them. They often serve as a gateway to understanding our non-sexual emotions, which we are trying to come to terms with.
After all, every fantasy also has its non-sexual undertones, which is certainly worth thinking about.
So what are the most common erotic fantasies?
1. Multiple partners at once
This is the most common sexual fantasy of all. As time goes on, for example, threesomes are on the rise—more and more couples and friends with benefits are inviting a third person into bed. If there are more than three people present, we call it an orgy.
While writing his book *Tell Me What You Want*, social psychologist Justin Lehmiller surveyed 4,175 Americans about their views on threesomes. An incredible 89 % of them admitted that they actually fantasize about threesomes.
If we wanted to explain this fantasy from a non-sexual perspective, it could stem from a certain need to be the center of attention and the object of desire for several people at once. For example, when a woman fantasizes about having sex with two men, she may be drawn to the idea that she would be indispensable and important in their eyes.
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2. Dominant or rough sex
Hardcore sex is often aggressive, wild, and maybe even a little violent. It is often considered more passionate than other forms of sex, but it can also be associated with abuse.
BDSM often involves rough sex and revolves around bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, and masochism. This sexual practice is generally considered atypical, so you might be surprised to learn how many people fantasize about it.
Once again, we refer here to a study that was conducted as part of the work on the book mentioned earlier. 93 % women and 81 % men out of 4,175 people fantasize about sex in which they are under the absolute control of another person.
85 men in the % group and 76 women in the % group dream of being in a position of dominance.
If you recognize yourself in these fantasies, it doesn't mean you're weak or that your partner is superior to you. Rather, such fantasies point to a need to gain control over your personal or professional life, or your role in society.
3. Voyeurism and Exhibitionism
It gives a voyeur pleasure to watch an unsuspecting person indulging in erotic games.
A smaller study from 1991 found that 54 % men had voyeuristic fantasies, and a Swedish study from 2006 surveyed 2,450 adults to determine whether they had any experience with voyeurism. 7.7 % of those surveyed admitted that they had
Exhibitionism is the other side of the coin and involves a person with this fantasy deriving arousal from the idea that someone will watch them have sex or that they will expose their genitals, once again to people I don't know.
Be careful, though—if you try to turn these fantasies into reality, you could get into trouble. It’s illegal to watch or film someone having sex without their consent, and the same applies to public exposure. Currently, such behavior is usually dealt with through misdemeanor proceedings.
4. Sex in Public
This fantasy also falls under the category of exhibitionism. As part of the same study we cited regarding sex with multiple partners and BDSM, social psychologist Lehmiller also focused on sex in public. He found that 81 % men and 84 % women have a sexual fantasy related to public sexual acts.
If you've ever had sex at someone's house while staying overnight, you'll surely agree that the very idea of someone catching you in the act is incredibly arousing.
5. Role-playing
Role-playing is another very common sexual fantasy—what does it involve?
In the fact that you take on a different identity. For example, you can wear a wig or dress up as a doctor, a police officer, or even a teacher. You might find it exciting to step into someone else’s shoes, or to have sex with someone who has done so.
There haven't been many studies that have tracked the prevalence of this fantasy.
6. Romantic Sex
Approximately 85 % women fantasize about having sex in a sensual setting, such as on a deserted beach. It’s not just that we encounter an emphasis on romance in many literary works and films, although it’s important to note that, for women, emotional factors are a very important part of erotic fantasies.
Romantic sex differs from all other types of sexual fantasies in that has no specific definition – What one person might find romantic and exciting might not move another at all, and vice versa.
This fantasy is also linked to tantric sex, which doesn't focus solely on orgasm, but aims to focus on the overall sexual experience and any feelings it may bring.
7. A same-sex erotic experience
To wrap things up, let's take a closer look at one of the most controversial fantasies of all—especially when it's men who have it.
If you fantasize about sex with someone of the same sex, it doesn't necessarily mean you're gay.
The results of Lehmiller's study confirmed that 59 % women regularly fantasize about having sex with another woman. Men often have gaps in their knowledge of the female body and therefore can’t say with certainty what feels good to them and what doesn’t. However, women understand other women, which is one of the main reasons this fantasy arises. It’s pure pleasure without the fear that someone will touch you in places where you don’t feel comfortable.
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